Spooner and Pun seldom met, but when they did, words danced.
Their individual personalities invoked pleasure in beholders that were fortunate to witness them in written form. While Pun believed in word plays, Spooner warmed to word transpositions that caused swapping of sounds and meaning (Spoonerism). Both believed these were rare art forms capable of exciting word admirers. Sometimes, during despondent drunken drownings, Alliteration made her presence felt.
One fine day, Spooner and Pun decided to experiment with a personality mix. Each would reflect idiosyncratic aspects of the other, in addition to their signature personalities. Neither knew what to expect and a result, excitement ran high leading up to D-day.
On the anointed day, their personalities enmeshed. Words warmed up to dance.
A naturally funny lad, Pun discovered, quite stunningly, thanks to Spooner, that stunning puns made possible punning stuns. Pun was a rather selfish guy, however. His personal misfortunes outweighed personnel misfortunes. Misfortune would descend, lake of tears would well and, well, ’twas well nigh impossible to dam Pun‘s damnation. In confessing his profession, Pun often took to professing confessions. Spooner‘s personality was very evidently spooning from within.
Spooner, meanwhile, felt that the wind of an ode bell could bode well for their existence. He derived immense pleasure from moving alphabets around, often for comic effect but mostly for its own sake. Some one had to do it. Spooner often pretended playing with his pouch, Alliteration‘s, pet pooh, which had been named, for reasons unknown, as Douche. Spooner liked to pat his back; while Douche, the terrier, liked to touche his derriere.
Both then contemplated a round of bowling. Pun was wary. His mind raced back to the time when he was courting Alliteration; their post-brunch bowling brawls often ended in bawling bowls. Spooner, for his part, remembered the time when he too courted Alliteration. Prior to the game, when drabbling dab, they often ended up dabbling drab. Neither wished unsavoury memories to spoil their unique personality swap. They dropped the bowling idea. Alliteration dropped her bawling bowl, bewailing brazenness. Neither appeared bewitched.
They then decided to putt in a round of golf. As conversation flowed, Pun was unequivocal about the true reason behind the financial crisis. Pun believed that lusting for bucks had led to busting of lucks. At this point, Spooner butted in, putting forth his views on the matter. He lamented that the world was caught in a Depression and easy dough times had given way to tough dimes.
Soon though, the personality swap ran into rough waters, gravely endangering the budding friendship. Through serious conversation, with both trying to butt in, tempers soared and butting putts gave way to putting butts. The final nail in the coffin came thanks to a slip-up from Pun, who was consumed by Spooner’s personality. On seeing Alliteration’s Douche, Pun exclaimed, ‘you have a rape-able cunt!’, and Alliteration’s anger ascended alarmingly. Before Pun could explain that he actually meant a ‘capable runt’, Alliteration flew into a rage and launched into an elaborate rant, riveted ‘round the runt rebuke. Pun’s buns were mauled badly by Douche. Spooner bawled madly, preemptively. But Douche-bagged him, too.
Bun dusted, Spooner and Pun concluded that their personality swap had failed, entertainingly. Both wisely opted to revert to their true personalities but agreed to collaborate, bringing their unique personalities together, to entertain the world.
Alliteration averred an acidic approval.