Tequila Shot Solution, To The World’s Prison Problem

Posted: January 21, 2012 in Crazy ideas, humor, Humour, Random nonsense
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Disclaimer: I’m no expert. Which is why, perhaps, the following proposal might be worthy of some mind-space.

One of the aims of this blog is to invert irresolvable problems, for humourous excursions, and for the (remote) possibility of a Eureka-moment.

The world’s Prison Problem is one such that merits some attention.

Roughly 10 million humans call the prison their homes, around the world. At a median cost of approximately $20,000 per prisoner, a guesstimate of the total cost of supporting prison operations works out to an eye-popping $200 billion per year.

A rather wasteful means of deploying scarce capital.

With the arrival of the economic crisis, attention veered to this huge number. As governments grappled with reducing avenues for revenue, there was agreement that prison expenditure needed to be slashed.

Criminology experts have been propounding solutions that broadly fall under the following: (a) keeping low-level offenders off jails, (b) suggesting community orders as a quid pro quo for prison trials, (c) expediting the trial process, (d) private prisons. Sound solutions each of these, with their pros and cons, but none have managed to drastically reduce cost of prison operations.

Consensus exists when it comes to the worst offenders. They are a threat to society, humans, and sometimes, animal citizenry too. This lot is often seen claiming that their destitution inhibits restitution, of past offences. Their devolution into the world of crime is generally assumed to be irreversible, as is successful rehabilitation. On the other hand, the young offenders – first-time pilferers, house-burglars, street muggers, drug paddlers and their ilk – are in early stages of evolving into a full-blown societal menace. These could be arrested – punnily not literally, of course – first.

Here’s a solution. The Tequila Shot Deal.

Offenders could be offered a simple either/or proposition.

(A) A session of 100-shot tequila, to be downed in one sitting. The offenders could be intimated that a 100-shot tequila, taken in one sitting, could successfully take Blood Alcohol Content (BAC) over the fatality barrier.

(B) Returning to society and behaving responsibly. As an added gesture of benevolence and goodwill, each potential prisoner could be offered a one-time incentive payment of $10,000. This would buy them the time they would need to find a means of leading a life of normalcy and boredom (a.k.a Employment). Repeat offenders would be offered the 100-shot tequila session sans the goodwill handout. Yet repeat offenders could eventually be encouraged to take the 100-shot session, which would be the only option on the menu.

The implicit threat of fatality offered with civility would dissuade most from entertaining the idea of opting for crime as a career option.

The cost?

Assuming a typical tequila shot costs $10, a 100-shot sitting would cost $1,000 per potential prisoner. Extending this civil deal to 10 million inmates would cost $10 billion. The $10,000 handout per miscreant would add $100 billion to this bill. Summing the two, we arrive at $110 billion, a near 50% reduction to existing cost of operations. A one-time amnesty could be offered to the existing 10 million prison inmates, which would cost a one-time $100 billion. Over a 20-year time frame, the Tequila Shot Deal has the potential to lead to significant savings.

This significant cost reduction would allow leeway to finance tequila shots for repeat offenders, leaving a good chunk of capital to be directed towards more productive arenas.

The Deal’s appeal to would-be prisoners is straightforward. Indeed, many might be encouraged to take the handout with a minor violation. This would be welcome, as the civil threat of eventual extermination by drinking, combined with the one-off nature of the handout, would dissuade most from pushing their luck too far. For those who do, it would be a civil goodbye gesture.

The tax-paying lot would welcome this solution, for obvious reasons.

Politicians would be grateful too. They would have hit upon a means of reducing prison inmate count and simultaneously slashing expenditure; the perfect message for electoral campaigns. As grateful beneficiaries of the handout, potential politicians, who often begin their journey in the world of crime, would be the scheme’s devout promoters.

One may also see tequila manufacturers nodding in approval.

Any solution that appeals to capitalists and haters of capitalism is something that merits some attention!

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Comments
  1. You probably would’ve gotten the backing of a Mexican drug lord monopolizing over the tequila trade! But what about the drunks who have impossibly high BAC tolerance? They could still be enjoying themselves on the 100th shot, eh? 😛

    On a more serious note, a welfare prison state is not something we all want to see, and one cannot escape the fact that increasing crime rates reveal a more pressing issue beneath the tainted social fabric. Lack of education opportunities, high income disparity, unemployment etc (reasons that will drive someone to commit crimes against their conscience) it all points back to an incompetent government on a fat pay check.

    If you plan to forward your plan to the parliament, you can count on me signing the petition. Watch out for the eagle-eyed Amnesty International, though!

    And thanks for the read, have a happy new year! 🙂

    • HaLin says:

      Those pathologically resistant to alcohol would cause some trouble (and so would the obese, for they exhibit greater resistive tendencies). I suppose the extra shots that would be devoted to them could come from unused inventories of those who warm to alcohol readily. 🙂

      As with most problems, solutions are long-term in nature and given the inherent unequal nature of life, it is tough to see solutions fructifying any time soon using traditional means (which are already in the works but perhaps not to the requisite degree). The above solution is only half-humourous! One unintended consequence could be the increase in the numbers of people seeking voluntary handouts, without taking the pains to commit an offence. Which, it could be argued, is both good and bad at the same time.

      As to the performance history of governments, well, I’d just pass that one.

      Wish you a fabulous year ahead!

  2. You certainly get my vote. A unique and ultimately fair way of reducing taxpayer cost and unused generic tequila currently blotting the landscape of my local liquor store.
    Bravo!

  3. mrtinney says:

    Very nice proposal… very real problem. We could use this here.

  4. tequila shot solution. nice. pleasantly plastered without any sense of control followed by agonizing pain…. sounds very capitalistic:p

  5. Hmmm, I think we should allow them the liquor of their choice and let them smoke, too. I mean, what harm can it do. A hundred shots seems excessive. I’m think 50 will do it, but we have to give them a time frame. Also, a hooter’s girl serving the shots would be a nice touch for all concerned. Wait a minute, this is getting too close to my real life!

    • HaLin says:

      Very reasonable and welcome there, worthy of inclusion (choice of drinks, smoking and the girl). With 100 shots no one would be able to blame lack of generosity!

  6. lostupabove says:

    Hi Hemant, I’ve nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. I hope you like it. Congratulations! Here you can find more info: http://wp.me/p1ZC80-Dg
    Steph

  7. Sharmishtha says:

    quite thought provoking solution indeed. 🙂
    its really interesting to note, is not it, how much money is spent on maintaining the jails 🙂

    • HaLin says:

      Pausing to note the cost of many of these things is an enlightening experience indeed. 10 million may not seem big in relation to the world’s population but getting a handle on cost paints a completely different picture!

  8. Aw, this was a really nice post. In concept I wish to put in writing like this additionally – taking time and precise effort to make a very good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate alot and not at all seem to get one thing done.

    • HaLin says:

      Appreciate you stopping by and commenting, Devin. Sometimes, writing without putting in too much thought is a good antidote to procrastination.

  9. Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive learn anything like this before. So good to search out any individual with some original thoughts on this subject. realy thanks for starting this up. this website is something that is needed on the internet, someone with slightly originality. helpful job for bringing something new to the internet!

    • HaLin says:

      Much thanks, Theola, for the kind words. The blog is a means for me to explore everyday issues from the not-oft-thought angle. It’d be a bonus if it encourages others too.

      I hope to welcome you back for more reading.

  10. My Homepage says:

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  11. kovid says:

    This is what we call ‘coming up with a really brilliant and original idea’. I like it.

    • HaLin says:

      I tried running it through government (no, I didn’t) but they trashed it. 😉

      Glad you liked it. Please feel free to add yours, the most novel ideas get my vote.

  12. Collette Sea says:

    Thanks a ton for this – love the info and agree with your perspective. However many others will not, so thanks for speaking up. Nice blog, well done!

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