A Mouse & Cow’s Plea to PETA

Posted: February 12, 2012 in humor, Humour, Random nonsense
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Mates Mickey and Bovy were in a state of mordancy. They noticed that while much progress was achieved in abolishing human slavery, the slaving that they were subject to at the hands of humans was blithely ignored. The ironies of human beings, with whom they had the (mis)fortune of dwelling, was a topic that featured prominently in their post-dinner musings.

Irredeemably melancholic, Mickey moused over his ever-growing list of woes. The netherworldly treatment meted out by scientists, often proudly but ironically referring to themselves as Doctors, irked him greatly. Mickey couldn’t fathom how Tommy, the dog, was Man’s best friend, when he did more to assist humans in finding solutions to pesky diseases.

Mickey was the preferred beta-tester of choice for humans interested in finding the effects of deplorable stimuli (virus, cigarettes) on humans. The rise of medical research was a primary reason behind his pitiable situation. As the chosen spokesperson of his rodent community, Mickey shared that a great bulk of experiments, 97% to be precise, were performed on his genetically defiled brethren. He noted wryly that while animal rights activists condemned experiments performed on the large animals – apes and pigs – countless experiments that led to massive reduction in his community’s numbers received little attention. Perhaps size did matter, after all.

Years of man-induced genetic hankypanky was partly responsible for his melancholic state of mind. Reproduction and associated hereditary bequests was creating a worrisome situation, greatly endangering his family’s long-term survival probability. Humans seemed to have a queer sense of equality. Certain chosen ones in the animal kingdom, dogs and cats figured primarily, enjoyed undivided and unconditional affection; while vital weapons in Man’s war against diseases – rodents/fishes – were witness to the ugly side of Man’s apathy. He winced at this imbalanced state of affairs.

Bovine Bovy chimed in with her tales of sadness. A recent pronouncement, championed by that spokesperson of animal woes, PETA, had led to a ban on oil companies using bullock as a mode of transporting kerosene. PETA activists were elated. Their 5 year struggle had finally borne fruit, leaving Bovy with a bittersweet feeling. Her udders were being routinely manhandled by humans since Antiquity but PETA, oddly, did not seem to consider it a worthy cause to battle for. Bullock were bollocks, pretty much, according to her. They idled around, mostly, occasionally indulging in rumpy pumpy and some recreational weight lifting. Of course, many of them were ill-treated, malnourished and flirting with death but so was her ilk. She was more useful to Man, bestowing livelihoods to many and providing a range of edible produce derived from her fountainudd.

Bovy fleered that size had little to do with this odd sense of righteousness and equality of treatment that humans and PETA exhibited. She was big but evidently it wasn’t enough to excite PETA’s attentions. A few rarities campaigned for their cause but achieving significant headway was proving tough.

Mickey nodded limply. They toyed with the idea of opting for a quadruped change procedure, dogs being their unanimous choice of appearance, as they seemed to be most loved by humans. Allowing for the near impossibility of this course of action, they explored other avenues. Both contemplated engaging the services of Tommy’s highly effective PR agency. Affection, however unjustly misdirected, was a valuable resource. Mongrels were best placed to influence their guardians, the humans, to provide a voice for Mickey and Bovy and their respective ilk.

Their demands were rather modest. They had nothing personal against dogs or other large animals. All Mickey desired was a level sacrificial playing ground for one and all. Equal numbers of every animal known to Man ought to be used for prospective experiments, dogs and cats included. Tommy did not Hifi-ger at this and refused to take up their assignment. Bovy wanted a protocol to be tabled into law, outlining civil udder-handling practices. Their modest proposals were put to vote in the Assembly of Quadrupeds but expectedly, soon ran into irresolvable roadblocks and was eventually beaten down.

The mongrel lobby proved too strong.

PETA and other animal rights activists could not attend the congregation due to pressing celebratory commitments.

Bovy, punnily, cowed in a rare display of aggression.

Mickey was back in a hole.

Comments
  1. Sharmishtha says:

    its a reality that activists almost always skip some areas of their field. :(

  2. [...] Breast Cancer In DogsInformation About DogsDogsA Mouse & Cow’s Plea to PETA [...]

  3. Ankur Mithal says:

    Orwellian humour ! Great read. Bovy should consider passing a resolution at the next meeting of her ilk (not milk) that bovies all over the world make a cow-line for India, where they are revered as sacred, just below the pantheon of 600 million gods and goddesses.

    • HaLin says:

      Thank you!

      I recall an interesting number. India holds about a fifth of the world’s cattle, about the same as Brazil and China combined. Considering that they are revered, evolution seems to have figured out a way of putting them in the right geography.

  4. Sharmishtha says:

    dear hemant,

    i have a small gift for you in my blog, will you take a look?

    http://mycybernovels.wordpress.com/2012/02/16/amazing-blog-ha-lin/

    sharmishtha

  5. Mira Jay says:

    Cheers for an extra mile..
    I passed you Versatile Award; Congratulations; for more details, follow this link

    http://divinerhythm.wordpress.com/2012/02/18/versatile-blogger-award/

  6. waiting for your next post. taking a break?

    • HaLin says:

      The call of the road has unfortunately intervened with my writing. I shall set that right soon.

      Thank you for keeping an eye out! :)

      • Sharmishtha says:

        will be waiting eagerly. dont keep waiting for too long :)

      • HaLin says:

        Done!

        Your encouragement is helpful in building discipline. :)

      • Sharmishtha says:

        i keep encouraging my favourite writers so that they wont go slack. because once lethargy creeps in the urge to write vanishes.

        i am going through that stage but deliberately, i have not written anything seriously in entire february- thats very unlike me :)

        then i had to write for the thursday posts i write in two of my blogs, and woke my muse up after a long, lazy sleep.

      • HaLin says:

        I marvel at your dedication. I find myself wondering how you make the time every week to write on your blogs.

        Thank you for keeping the stick aimed behind me. ;)

      • well, if you see my piled up un-blogged works you will know. i usually schedule my blogs once/twice every month, so that no matter what happens my blogs stay alive (my blogger friends may know my demise after a month of my actual demise ha ha or by my not commenting on their blogs for a week/more).

        as you might have noticed that a lot of my works are written on same date, the reality is when my muse takes control i spend days writing, but i dont publish them all at a go, that will be a bit boring for others, so i keep piling them and using them later.

        this is my secret of blogging without a gap.
        :)

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